Changes

It's been about two years since I began healing from Celiac's Disease. For years my body wasn't absorbing nutrients and fat and I weighed no more than 126 pounds on any given day. I ate just about anything I wanted, how much I wanted and never had to exercise a day in my life. I was thin, but very unhealthy and became more thin than I had ever been. I looked so ill and felt even worse.

As my body began to heal from the disease, my body began absorbing just about everything I touched. In just about 6 months I gained about 40 pounds like that and I could hardly recognize my body. The good news though was that I felt like a new women, I had energy and I wasn't feeling so sick anymore. Problem was though that I had gained 40 pounds which turned into 50 pounds within a few more months.

So girls, that is where I have stayed...176 pounds and holding! I have been trying so hard to get used to this new body of mine for some two years now. I never had my thighs rub together, never floated in the bath, never had my daughter rub my belly and say that there is a baby in there...so much around this new body.

I went to try on some clothes at Old Navy the other day and of course there are fabulous mirrors in there that make you look so hot...NOT! I was so puffy and squishy and thought to myself, what has happened to me. I left there with two skirts size 12...BTW When I hold them up they look like there is no way they would fit me...except they do!

I came home after that shopping spree feeling even more down about this unrecognizable body. When I went to bed I shared with Charlie my feelings. He encouraged me to not let my new and beautiful body consume me. Although I felt it wasn't I think he was right and it was consuming me. He said that I can choose to change that or continue to try and fight this new body.

So here I am today...changes are taking place. I woke up today and made the decision to make some changes. Not drastic changes, but changes. The last thing I want to do is to be consumed with changing my body and having it become an idol. I see way too many women who become consumed with the way they look and it become an idol...I don't want that. What I want is balance, health, and to treat my body with love.

I came into my bedroom tonight and turned on my video. It is five 10 minute workouts. I thought okay I can do a few and be done. Started with the cardio warm up and 5 minutes in was breathing like I had only 1 lung. It was kickin my butt. Samantha was watching me and encouraging me to keep going. I must have looked like a total goof ball. I could hardly kick my legs like the instructor or keep the bounce in the routine. Samantha kept asking why I wasn't bouncing...if she only knew.

Needless to say, I finished it...all 10 minutes! I was sweating, breathing heavy and my legs were so wobbly! Whew that will make you feel like a woman! Okay so I won't be so hard on myself. I accomplished something today. I made a change, a 10 minute change, but still a change.

Tomorrow is a new day and my goal is another 10 minute workout.